HomeGoods StyleScope - I'm an Earthy Casual

HomeGoods StyleScope - I'm an Earthy Casual

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You're interested in creating a welcoming home where people feel comfortable and happiness flourishes. You appreciate the warmth and individuality of natural materials and handcrafted things and are inspired by colors and forms from nature. You love mixing up different textures and are sensitive to the tactile qualities of objects. Your style is grounded and solid, not flighty or frilly. And you are never taken in by the trend of the moment.

You value comfort. Your home is a warm and open friendly place, and you feel happiest when everyone is cared for and relaxed in your space. Elements like pillows, throws, overstuffed furniture, and good lighting set the mood. You may also enjoy layering different fabrics or mixing patterns to create a cozy effect.

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reflecting

I am completely overcome by emotions as I stare at my husband from across the room and feel the small nudges of our son inside my expanding belly. I'm overjoyed and eager to meet this incredible blessing from God Himself. I can't wait to see my husband become a father and our relationship take on new meaning as we adventure into parenthood together. I have never loved him more than I do today, and tomorrow I'm sure I'll say the same. I'm simply grateful for my life and this new place I'm in with these new roles and crazy feelings of admiration, determination, excitement, anxiety, and love. What a dream I'm living and what a precious time in our lives. I was chosen to be mommy! Wow.

I love you Levi though I have yet to see your face and I love you Johnny because there is no one I'd rather know.

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Update and Random Thoughts

So I passed the 3 hour Glucose test! *pheeeew*, that was a relief!

I've noticed that I am particularly preoccupied by my baby belly. I waited so long for it to finally show, and now I can't do anything without paying some type of physical attention to it. I'm always rubbing it or patting in even. Not to mention I'm obsessed with trying to figure out which parts of the baby are sticking out where. I feel like I'm annoying people at this point as I waddle through public places completely oblivious as I'm buffing my tummy. Oh well, they'll get over it!

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Could I end up with it too?

I failed my one hour glucose test, and I'm still waiting for the results on the 3 hour test. I'm very nervous. My father has had type 2 Diabetes since he was 28 years old and he just recently was told he is legally blind and he's only 44. I can't stand to see him go through all this physically as he deprives himself of food he enjoys and I watch him continue to deal with all these issues. I am doing everything I can to eat right and make sure I don't raise my chances for Diabetes in the future, but over half of my Dad's side of the family has it. I'm slightly overweight for the height, but I carry it well and didn't think it was a problem. I was reading these is a 40% chance that women who are diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes will have type 2 Diabetes within 5 years. I'd be 29 in 5 years, close to my father's age when he was diagnosed.

I know I'm just working myself up over nothing here, well not nothing, but not something I can actually change or control right now, but my nerves are getting the best of me.

I also had an 2 uncles and an Aunt who were Blind from Diabetes and my Grandmother had another condition that caused her to go blind in her late 30's called retinitis pigmitosis (sp?). Blindness is a constant fear in my family.

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poverty, a curse or a blessing?

A friend commented that I might have to eat Mac-N-Cheese for a while on my blog about our financial situation. It made me giggle because I was raised on government help; Ramon Noodles, mac-n-cheese, oatmeal and anything we could literally buy for cents was usually all we had to eat unless, of course, a friend or family member treated us to dinner at their house or Sunday afternoon dinner out!!! All my clothes may have been hand-me-downs and I might not have had all the best things growing up, but I do have some amazing family bonding memories and lessons in the real world that will last a lifetime!

I'm grateful I went through that as a child: a) because I appreciate going out for dinner or the smaller things in life outside of money and fancy things b) because I learned from my parents to live by faith no matter what was not in the cupboards and I never starved to death c) No matter what crisis I face financially, it will pass or I'll learn to adjust c) the most important - as long as you have family, you are rich indeed!

As a child, there were very few times I felt sorry for myself because I had less than others, and though I didn't want to ever tell my children, "I'm sorry honey but mommy can't afford the good meat, you'll have to eat a grilled cheese tonight." I understand that those very circumstances built my faith and character. I was spoiled in love and not money, and oh what a blessing it was!

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here's my son =D

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what a year ...

Its interesting to me how God works and His timing. My husband and I are in the middle of a financial crisis. I actually came home for lunch yesterday (to eat my Ramon noodles) to find that our electricity had been cut off. At first I was angry, then I was depressed and now I'm just ready for something to change. After making a spreadsheet of all our bills and our income, I quickly realized why things are so bad - we are -$316 at the end of each month. This does not include emergency money or anything extra - movies, dinner out, dessert. Its simply our bills plus 100 dollars a month for gas and 150 a month for groceries (which is nearly impossible to feed us for breakfast lunch and dinner which we eat all 3 at home).

Basically, I'm praying for a miracle. Levi is on his way and I can't afford my health insurance anymore. We are behind months on our credit cards and obviously our electric bill - which we still do have the means to have turned back on yet. My husband, bless his heart, is so embarrassed he has begged me not to tell anyone. But being a woman, I have a deep need to 'talk' about my life experiences and difficulties. Thank goodness for blogging.

I'm POSITIVE I will have a testimony soon of what God did in our finances. He chose this time to fulfill the promise to give us a son, and I know He will provide.

FYI, we did not get here due to frivolous living, my husband was laid-off for 6 months and then brought back part-time with a 4 dollar and hour pay cut. Our credit cards only lasted so long to put food on the table, and now our debt is unbearable... but its not due to lack of responsibility or wasteful living - we haven't' been out on a date in over 6 months. It is simply due to the economy and I know we aren't the only ones.

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A friends writings... I love when they make me tear up

Tutu's Bliss - check out her last entry - it is so beautiful mommies!

I was so blown away by the way she captured the essence of what being mommy is to her.

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Poem for Levi

What can I give you:

What can I give you,
But the precious gift of knowing God?
What can I show you,
But the wonderful life of salvation?
Is there anything I can do,
But teach you His ways of love?
How else can I raise you,
But to know your Lord?
What else can satisfy your soul,
But to walk in relationship with Jehovah?

Oh that you will know Him better than me!

Is there any thing you will need more,
More than the knowledge of your savior?
Is there any thing to profit more,
More than a life of true relationship?
Oh, but you, you will know this
You, you will live this
The glory of the Lord will be seen in your eyes
The presence of the Lord will be with you always
And the truth of God will continually be on your lips

So, what more can I give you?
What else is there to know?
He will be your keeper
The very lover of your soul
You’ll know Him deeper than most
And commune with Him daily
There is nothing more important to teach you
Than the promises of God

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ah, to write again

I was thinking yesterday, "man I wish I had some place to write." LOL, silly me. How could I forget about this blog! I guess I can blame that on the busyness of my life lately.

I'm now 25.5 weeks. My little little is moving around a lot and growing at a great pace. I'm so excited to see his little face and share the stories of my little worshiper through blogging. I missed my time here so much as I look back and try to figure out when something happened and why in the world I didn't journal about it!!!

It's getting close to lunch time and I'm at work right now (shhh), but I will continue my writings in the evenings, especially with all the exiting stuff that has been happening with our little Levi's development inside mommy's tummy!

*sigh* back to the wonderful writing days where its nice to have a reader, but just as good to be able to get it all out!

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Son of Promise!!!

I wanted to testify. God is Faithful, Amen?

Three and a half years ago my husband and I were given the promise of a son. It was reiterated through vision, a word from another and countless encounters with women who would touch my stomach and say I would conceive soon. I never gave up on believing this promise. In fact, I just kept asking God for more. I started praying for a daughter as well!!! He is able, why not?

As 4 years of our marriage went by without contraception and no conception, I started to get angry with my body. I understood that the promise had to wait until it was time, but I was irregular and often ‘felt pregnant. This was terribly emotional. I went to the Dr. last year and eventually she put me on Chlomid. It is a fertility drug that causes your body to ovulate as it is supposed to. I knew this would give me peace of mind as I would start regularly and not have to face the depression of thinking I was pregnant just to find that I had just skipped 3 periods. Chlomid did just that. I had 3 regular periods, but had to have shoulder surgery so I couldn’t take it again. I didn’t have a period for 3 months and started getting angry with my body for not working right and figured there was no chance for conception so long as I was having periods.

On April 9th I took a pregnancy test just to be sure since I was weeks late. Negative. So I just waiting for my body to go back to normal. You see I could not take Chlomid until I was on the 3rd day of my period. No period, no Chlomid. I did not want the Chlomid to ‘get me pregnant’ I just wanted the same chance of ovulation and fertility every other woman bad and I wanted to start my period so I would KNOW that I was not pregnant each month.

In May I started noticing my pants were getting too tight. So I though, maybe I am bloated and going to start my period finally. But just to be sure, I decided to take another pregnancy test. It was May 27th and for the first time I got a Positive!!!

I am now 7 weeks pregnant with the son God promised me. (I don’t think this is a daughter because I feel in my spirit that this is the time for the promise!)

Isn’t it neat how God made sure Chlomid didn’t get the glory???

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I'm 6 weeks Pregnant!

I am pregnant. *sigh* I can't believe it, 4 long years and I'm finally pregnant.

I can't write much today becuase I am so tired. I can barely keep my eyes open at work right now.

I hope to keep posting about my pregnacy experience... lets just see if I can make it through today awake!!! lol

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Today is a rough day...

I am having a terrible day. Not being a mother on mother's day makes it a very difficult day. I keep getting angry over the smallest things and my husband is having absolutely no compassion for my fragile state of mind. eh! I just don't know how I'm going through at this point. Somethings gotta give!

-Summer Smith

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Constipated ! ! !

No They didn't give me a pain pump. They gave me a nerve block. That was scary. it felt like my arm wasn't even there at all. It finally started coming back to life again on Saturday. So i have a new problem now. I am constipated. Haven't had a bowel movement since before my surgery early Thursday morning. Woooooooo Hoooooooo. I threw up yesterday and this medicine makes me feel weird all day long. I just want to wake up and take a normal shower and go to work and have a normal day. I'M BORED!

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Sugery

I'm home now. I had my shoulder surgery and everything went well. Can't really type yet =(

I may not really post much, but I'll try to read and comment every so often.

Thanks for all the support!

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Girls Night............. in!

Tonight is GIRLS NIGHT IN! No cuteness allowed. Must wear Pj's or sweats. Must eat junk. Must watch at least 2 chic-flicks. Must have FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to hear about the craziest things you and your girlfriends do? This may inspire a blog or two about me and my friends and our ridiculously outrageous and totally immature girl's nights. I'll try to keep it G rated! (I mean we are all Christians...) We are always looking for new and exciting stuff to do to celebrate our girlhood, wifeiness and mom lives. Ideas, ideas, ideas.... we need some original ideas to really make our get-togethers memorable!

I need to hear some inspirational stories.... please!?

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Funny Story

Ok today’s dare was kind of hard, especially after the breakfast bust yesterday.

Ask your spouse to tell you 3 things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

These were the 3 things he said: “I get irritated when u ___________”

1. lose things
2. are louder than necessary
3. don’t take care of things that need to be taken care of asap.

I am so tempted right now to justify myself… but I’m not going to. I’m simply going to admit that I do all these things. I is who I am, but I am going to do my best to overcome these bad little habbits when it is concerning my husband.

I am a VERY loud person, its just natural: Funny story…. Are you ready???
Ok here it goes:

Today while I was out to lunch with 2 of my very good friends… the sex conversation came up in the middle of a crowded Culver’s Restaurant. So here we are eating our burgers and

Bebe says:
“So, Becca when are you and Eddy going to start ‘trying’ for the babies?”
Becca admitted she’s ready, but Eddy wants to wait until July when Becca turns 26. So nosey Bebe says:
“Well what are you doing to stop it, are you on the pill?”
Becca:
“No I have been off of it for a year.”
Bebe:
“Condoms suck.”
Becca:
“I don’t think so, no mess!”
(Conversation continues about ways to clean up the mess and weirder things!)
Me:
“We haven’t been using anything for 3 years; it could take a while to get pregnant.” My voice raising as I’m laughing thinking of my next sentence…. “I mean I have tried everything! Not standing up at all and going right to sleep making sure I’m on my back, (progressively getting louder) Holding my butt up in the air….” (I was going to keep going, but…
Bebe:
“Wow Summer, shhhhh… everyone can hear you in the restaurant.”
*all of us are assessing the damage as we look around the restaurant*
Me:
“Crap, I meant to say with my legs straight in the air.”

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Breakfast BUST

Ok – I would not advise a breakfast-in-bed on a very big day. My poor hubby was so nervous this morning every time he tried to take a bite he thought he was going to throw up! At least he tried for me… I was really disappointed and hurt at first because initially he said….

“You eat it honey I’m not hungry yet.”
“But I made it for you…”
“I wish you would have told me first.”

I was immediately overcome by tears. (Lucky he could not see them.) I left his breakfast on the table and carried on with my morning routine. I was going through the scenario in my head and thinking of all the times something I did for johnny just wasn’t good enough. The phrase that haunts me as a wife, “I wish you would…” I remembered how I used to clean the house EVERY day, until Johnny started complaining that I should only set aside one day and that should be Saturdays. (This is the way his mother scheduled cleaning.)

You see, I was the house keeper in my parent’s home. My mother was deeply depressed and slept all day. As you can tell, I did not have a very good example of what a wife was supposed to do… but I knew it was my job to care for Johnny. So I tried my best to adjust, but it just seemed like nothing I ever did was good enough. I let the dishes soak too long in the sink while the I waited for the scolding water to cool. I didn’t wash big enough loads of laundry and wasted time and energy. (Although, I must inform you that Johnny broke our washer twice from over filling it!) And I definitely didn’t do any of it fast enough.

I think it was hard for Johnny to adjust to another person… as is anyone. He is a perfectionist and I am a spontaneous mess (smile). The problem is that I gave up after that first year trying to please my husband. He quickly started cleaning and washing. He said he didn’t mind, but I knew he did it so that I wouldn’t do it the ‘wrong’ way. As the last few years went by he seems to resent me for letting him to do the house work. We both work full-time and I always take care of dinner and the bathroom. So I didn’t see a problem with this and let him entertain is own perfectionist issues by doing it himself.

Johnny has been laid-off for 2 months now. I remember when he would come home from work and get all irritated and in a bad mood when the bed was not made. The funny thing is that he is still in bed when I leave in the morning… so I cannot make it. When I come home I do not get mad at him because the bed is not made or the dishes are still dirty in the sink. The first few weeks of being laid-off, he did it all. The house was clean everyday and the bed was made. I guess he got burned out!

Does anyone ever have that ‘I’m never going to be good enough’ feeling in their marriage? How did you overcome it? It hurts too much for me still. I am a people-pleaser by nature and I hate that I can’t make him happy.

I am trying to show Johnny I love him through actions… his love language is ‘acts of service’. And everything I am doing is just because I love him. This morning I had to put my hurt aside and remember I did not do it for myself or my own ‘feel good’ for being a good little wife. I did it to remind him that I loved him enough to give up some of my precious sleep and take away from my make-up and hair time for his care. And even if he wasn’t hungry, I accomplished what I set out to do. Sometimes people aren’t going to understand you or receive your acts of service like you want them to… but that doesn’t mean you give up!

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Love Dare: Day 3

This is so much fun! I love surprising my husband with all these sweet little things. It is true, the saying… "It’s the little things that count”. Today my hubby emailed me and said “thank you for the note on the bathroom mirror, it was sweet.” All I did was write a list of the the things I love about him...

Tomorrow… I am going to give him Breakfast in bed… it may be a little overkill on the love dare, but He’s going to put in a very important application and I think it would give him the confidence he needs. =)

Last night after I took him out with the money I won from a game at work to see 'Taken', we went home and watched our favorite shows and I picked up the Monday special pizza we get every week. All night I was taking the dog out (he has s small bladder and we live in a condo so I can’t just let him out to run). Johnny looked a little puzzled as he asked... "What do you want?” I laughed because I was just doing it to be kind… to think of him first and not be such a baby about doing the little things. He definitely noticed already and it's only day 3. The sad thing is that I took advantage of all the little things he does and didn’t do the same for him. It kind of broke my heart that he was so shocked that I offered to do something so small. I guess I’m not as selfless as I had thought!

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Fire Proof My Marriage. . .

I have just started a new Book/Devotion/Challenge. Have any of you ever seen “Fire Proof”? It is an awesome movie that really puts marriage in perspective. My husband and I enjoyed it and also learned a whole lot. The movie features a couple with marital problems and the husband takes a dare from his father for 40 days to restore the marriage. It is in the form of a book, Love Dare, that gives you 40 daily challenges. I am currently on day two. It’s not hard - yet, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to be easy and I’m afraid its going to point out all of my shortcomings… but that is ok because I need to take a step back every so often and look at my marriage and the wife I am becoming. I think this is going to be a wonderful 40 day journey that will change me =) I’ll try to comment on the struggles and the blessings throughout these 40 days! I hope there is a new me at the end!

Yesterday’s Challenge: Patience/ Resolve to say nothing negative to your spouse.
Today’s Challenge: Kindness/ Do something unexpected for your spouse.

If anyone has done this, tell me what you learned and if it changed your marriage!

It would be nice to have someone to share with if anyone was planning on doing this any time soon!!! – I dare you to!

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Marraige In the Eye's of Children. . .

Answers by children: This is absolutely adorable!!! – I had to Post it.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan: aged 10
2. No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten: age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
1. Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.Camille: age 10
2. No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to ge married.
Freddie: age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
1. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick: age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DADHAVE IN COMMON?
1. Both don't want any more kids.
Lori: age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
1. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette: age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
2. On the first date, they just telleach other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin: age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATETHAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
1. I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig: age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
1. When they're rich.
Pam: age 7
2. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt: age 7
3. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's theright thing to do.
Howard: age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
1. I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing; I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
Theodore: age 8
2. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita: age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENTIF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
1. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there
Kelvin: age 8

And the Favorite is...

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
1. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky: age 10

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I miss them . . .

Well last night, through my tears, I told the teenagers that I would not be their youth leader anymore. They prayed for Johnny and I and it was great. I love hearing their hearts in prayer. They are a powerful group of young people. I can’t wait to see them all again and hug them longer than I’ve ever hugged them =) I already miss them and I haven’t even been away for a whole 24 hours yet.

Has anyone ever had to give something up that was so knit into your heart you thought it would break you? I’d like to hear some of your stories and how it worked out…

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I GOT AN AWARD!!!!!!!! WOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I received this award from Jessica!
What does this award mean?

"This blog invests and believes
the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are
exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are
not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the
ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please
give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who
must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of
their award."

I don't know many blogs and I am still learning everyone's first names, but these are the girls I have been following who I 'KNOW' deserve this award!

Tutu's Bliss
The Pifer Family
Megan's Wishing Well
Star & A Wish
Because Katie Says So
Really, Are You Serious?
Infertility Sisterhood
CD 1 AGAIN

Check these girls out and congratulate them on their awards!!!

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Comment Comment Comment!!!!!

Thanks Krystyn for informing me that my comments didn't work! I thought I was a BlogSpot reject! =)





COMMENT!!! COMMENT!!! COMMENT!!! COMMENT!!! COMMENT!!!

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God is Good Anyways...

i just wanted to praise the lord. this month has not been easy, but god is good anyways. this week has been tough, but god is good anyways. the dr. news hasn't been good yet, but god is good anyways. every test has come back negative, but god is good anyways. i am not perfect and nothing i do seems to be good enough for everyone, but god is good anyways.

"Lord, I thank you for being my strength and for
Your goodness when nothing else can make me smile."

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Nothing Good . . .

Yesterday was full of badness (yes I said badness). Nothing was good about it. Nothing. And don't get me started on this morning.... *sigh*

So, I totally want to write about what really happens in my life, but do you ever feel like you need to protect those people who hurt you because you love them and you know they didn't mean it? I hate giving people a bad impression of my hubby. Well, lets just say he was being terrible this morning. I know when he doesn't get his way he is a total jerk, but man he was just downright mean to me all the way to work. I'm not going to say anything he said because he's not a bad guy... he's just having an 'off' day. I'm sure he'll be his loving self by the time I get home tonight. My problem is that I just want to punch him real quit and shut him up =). Don't worry I don't do that.... I just said I 'wanted' to.

Church is becoming a complicated ground to walk on as well. I can't find my place anymore. I know I am going to be called somewhere else soon...

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Shoulder Update:

So, I just got back from the Doc... Bad news. I have to have surgery on the 12th of February. Keep me in your prayers! The only reason that date would change is if I find out I'm pregnant... so we'll see in two weeks when I can finally test! This also means that I won't continue my last cycle of Clomid until after the surgery. It will be good to get this over with Pre-Baby rather than Post-baby anyways... I think.

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Shoulder...

It seems I dislocated my shoulder AGAIN! I slipped on my steps yesterday when my dog ran through my legs. I tried to balance and rolled my shoulder too far. I couldn't get up and my husband couldn't hear my screams from the car. I can usually roll it back, but my coat was too thick and heavy and I was just causing myself more pain... after what felt like forever I got up and walked outside with my shoulder all stuck... it finally rolled back once I stopped screaming. It has been a few months since my 3 month physical therapy. I go to the gym twice a week and continue to work it out, but its been feeling very loose lately. I was going to need surgery but the doc said I was looking good and released me.... Looks like I have to start all over again. *sigh*

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Bills, Bills Bills....

I started feeling immensely guilty for my selfish prayers of having a baby due to the fact that our checking account can't stay in the positive right now. Ever since Johnny got laid-off in early December it has been tight and now its ridiculously messy. I know God will take care of our needs... but I am afraid of the things we could lose... like our credit and our condo....

In my heart I know God will not give us a baby we can't take care of... it just felt so close and now I'm scared that if it does happen we won't be able to actually afford it.

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My Promise ...

Habakkuk 2:

2) Then the Lord answered me and said:

"Write the Vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may
run who reads it.

3) For the vision (also translated promise) is yet for an appointed time;

But at the end it will speak; and it will not lie.

Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will
surely come, it will not tarry."

My husband and I have been promised a son from my own womb. Johnny and I have been married nearly 4 years and though we do not prevent pregnancy in any way we have yet to get pregnant. Johnny always wanted to wait 5 years while I wanted a child as soon as possible. So for him its okay that the Lord hasn't given the fulfillment of His promise yet, but for me, I can hardly wait another minute!

Our decision to trust in the Lord's will and not prevent or force pregnancy was rough at first. It was something I was strong on while Johnny... not so much! Over the first 6 months of marriage Johnny started to understand and see that trusting God didn't mean we would have a child right away... we would leave that decision up to God. This allowed our intimate life to be without stress or concern. We were free. Able to enjoy each other and love making would have no pressure. Even since we've both recognized that the promise is near, we still do not 'try' to make sure we get pregnant. We don't want it to ruin our intimacy or make it just a way to get pregnant, but keep it as the bond that draws us closer and together as one. I can't wait for it to result in a baby, but I know God's timing is impeccable. He is neither late nor early, but always on time!

"Lord I pray you will bring our son in your time and nothing
will hinder the blessing You have in store. I ask for patience and deepning intimacy as we
wait. May you teach us through this time of preparation to rely solely on you. You are good, no matter the pain of waiting... You Are
Always Good! - Amen."

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Letting Go for Now

Today I had to do something my heart dreaded since the day I started. I had to step out of youth ministry. Often there is a reason of ill subject that one leaves ministry, but in this case I am simply being obedient to the Lord's leading.
You see, this is particularly difficult for me, as this is my hearts passion and the ministry I have identified myself with for 5 and half years. All of my adult life this far has been dedicated to the youth of Northwest Indiana. I think, in part, that the Lord needs me to pull away and focus on my marriage.
Just a few months ago the youth pastor I served under started pastoring his own church 3 hours from here. He was my mentor and a very good friend. Since he has left I have grown being forced to rely soley on the Lord. It has been good for me... and I know there is more to learn. It seems like my husband and I are being prepared for something. And this something will require a greater unity in our marriage.
This is difficult to see wholey without knowing me or my background or my husband... but that is ok. In time more blogs will paint a bigger picture.

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Just Getting Started...

This is my first blog since I was a teenager. I am often overflowed with emotions and poetry that I need a window to open and let it all out. Its a great way to step back and get a perspective on my life... I can't wait to get started. I'll leave you with my latest:

One day it was there
The next day I could not longer find it
My heart was troubled looking as deeply as I could
Mustering memories and reasoning my purpose
I found that not all I did was for good
But often for naught
I didn’t use all I had rightly
And sometimes missed the mark
I have something to learn from this absence
Something to gain from the involuntary removal
I trust it’s to season me
And I know obedience will release the sorrow
I want to walk in humility
Knowing this stripping is needed
To become as humble as my savior
This one thing I desire
To know I am nothing without Him
~me

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