I love to look back on my blog even though I don't write often. It's still wonderful to read the glimpses of my life since I got pregnant with Levi.
Shortly after Levi was born, I found out I was pregnant again. Life has kind of been a little (cough) busy since then. I went through a deep depression, and I'm probably lucky to not have written too much about that time because I was not my self. Post-partum (PPD) took its toll when I realized that my time with Levi was getting interupted by another baby. I was hardly ready for another considering mother hood was already taking every bit of my energy. How could I possibly give any more of myself? How do women have more than one, much less only 1 year apart? Somehow I managed to muster the strength and find joy in the new baby taking over my body while I watched my first one grow too fast. (It's unfathomable how quickly it goes.)
Exactly 1 year 2 hours and 59 minutes after Levi William was born, Jacson Ray came. January 28th 2011. I didn't think my heart could love as much as it did when I met my husband, then I was blown away when Levi came and the love was just as strong but a little different, and then - drum roll please - came the my most precious double blessing ever - JACbear =].
Mommy didn't think she was ready to open her heart again, but how could I resist that smile? I finally had my blue-eyed blond haired boy I had drempt about. I remember dreaming often about a blonde baby with blue eyes while I was pregnant with Levi. When he came out with dark hair and dark eyes, I could care less, and forgot about that precious baby in my dreams. Well... that baby came. He was part of the package. I almost feel like he looks at me sometimes saying 'wasn't I worth the trouble?' To which I cannot deny that he is most definitely the most huggable, loveable baby I have ever met... and HE'S ALL MINE! He is quite the opposite of his big brother and quickly growing, only 1 pound behind Levi now. He's a chunky, happy-go lucky little fella! I was in awe of Levi but often thought, hmmm, he has his fathers disposition... it would be wonderful to have a child who was like me, smiles from ear to ear and loving of everyone within sight. Little did I know... Jacson was on his way to bring the family dynamic full circle. He looks like me mostly, acts like me mostly... but he's built strong like his daddy. Levi is much more 'picky' about those he loves.... like his father. He has tan skin and big inviting eyes like his dad.... and tends to be a little more on the stubborn side.
I am glad that Jacson came when he did. Levi now has a best friend for life and Jacson fits in like a perfect puzzle piece.
My mind is finally clear of the PPD and I'm enjoying every busy second of mother hood. The sleepless nights followed by tired days and lots of snuggling. Who would have thought - 2 brothers - exactly one year apart to the day - almost exact opposite in looks and personality... both Smiths and destine for greatness. =]
Thank you God Almighty for entrusting to me the task of raising two precious boys so close in age. Thank you for getting me through the tough seasons and bringing me into the joy of motherhood!
And to my Promised son Levi, you we waited for, awed over, danced about... and prayed for earnestly.
And to Jacson, the one that came as the most precious surprise I never knew I needed, you were dreamt about, born with joy and lit up my life with your smile.
Relationships with your children may be built on different things, but each is needed and special in thier own unique way. What I love about one does not make what I love about another insignificant, it makes it genuine and beautiful in its own right... unique to the bond and relationship between parent and child. I have joys in the fullness of each child and I'm greatful that with each one comes something different and precious to embrace - all in LOVE and commitment to helping them become the best children of God they can be! This reminds me of my heavenly Father's love - all for my good!!!
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