Breakfast BUST

Ok – I would not advise a breakfast-in-bed on a very big day. My poor hubby was so nervous this morning every time he tried to take a bite he thought he was going to throw up! At least he tried for me… I was really disappointed and hurt at first because initially he said….

“You eat it honey I’m not hungry yet.”
“But I made it for you…”
“I wish you would have told me first.”

I was immediately overcome by tears. (Lucky he could not see them.) I left his breakfast on the table and carried on with my morning routine. I was going through the scenario in my head and thinking of all the times something I did for johnny just wasn’t good enough. The phrase that haunts me as a wife, “I wish you would…” I remembered how I used to clean the house EVERY day, until Johnny started complaining that I should only set aside one day and that should be Saturdays. (This is the way his mother scheduled cleaning.)

You see, I was the house keeper in my parent’s home. My mother was deeply depressed and slept all day. As you can tell, I did not have a very good example of what a wife was supposed to do… but I knew it was my job to care for Johnny. So I tried my best to adjust, but it just seemed like nothing I ever did was good enough. I let the dishes soak too long in the sink while the I waited for the scolding water to cool. I didn’t wash big enough loads of laundry and wasted time and energy. (Although, I must inform you that Johnny broke our washer twice from over filling it!) And I definitely didn’t do any of it fast enough.

I think it was hard for Johnny to adjust to another person… as is anyone. He is a perfectionist and I am a spontaneous mess (smile). The problem is that I gave up after that first year trying to please my husband. He quickly started cleaning and washing. He said he didn’t mind, but I knew he did it so that I wouldn’t do it the ‘wrong’ way. As the last few years went by he seems to resent me for letting him to do the house work. We both work full-time and I always take care of dinner and the bathroom. So I didn’t see a problem with this and let him entertain is own perfectionist issues by doing it himself.

Johnny has been laid-off for 2 months now. I remember when he would come home from work and get all irritated and in a bad mood when the bed was not made. The funny thing is that he is still in bed when I leave in the morning… so I cannot make it. When I come home I do not get mad at him because the bed is not made or the dishes are still dirty in the sink. The first few weeks of being laid-off, he did it all. The house was clean everyday and the bed was made. I guess he got burned out!

Does anyone ever have that ‘I’m never going to be good enough’ feeling in their marriage? How did you overcome it? It hurts too much for me still. I am a people-pleaser by nature and I hate that I can’t make him happy.

I am trying to show Johnny I love him through actions… his love language is ‘acts of service’. And everything I am doing is just because I love him. This morning I had to put my hurt aside and remember I did not do it for myself or my own ‘feel good’ for being a good little wife. I did it to remind him that I loved him enough to give up some of my precious sleep and take away from my make-up and hair time for his care. And even if he wasn’t hungry, I accomplished what I set out to do. Sometimes people aren’t going to understand you or receive your acts of service like you want them to… but that doesn’t mean you give up!