broken family

You took the one thing God gave you

You took it and trashed it

You didn’t nurture it or care

You wasted all the beauty that was there

Time is gone

And so are we

The family you said you love

But failed to show

The people you left by the wayside

With no place to go

Now we are left fighting our emotions

Testing strong words that play in our minds

And doing all we can not to let bitterness consume us

If only you would choose to see

But its easier for you to just leave

I wish we had an easy option here

But instead we have to accept you the way you are

We try to do it out of love

But the word obligation seems to be winning

Because a man shouldn’t ever

Choose anything over the lives he created

But where do I get any right

I’m just the daughter-in-law

I only care for your son day and night

I see the pain in his eyes

As he tries to choose not to cry

I feel the brokenness in his embrace

The determination in his face

While he tries to carry on your name

Without becoming you

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pretender

Its therapeutic

Letting all the poison out

It clears my mind

Even though I’m saying things

I would never speak out loud

I spit it

I forget it

Makes things more tolerable

But sometimes,

I wish I had the audacity to say it for real

Instead of hiding behind a pen name

I’m a pretender from time to time

But everyone has to be

We can’t just say what we really think

Can we?

I can’t call you an idiot

Though you are

I surely can’t flip off a stranger

Though I’d like to

I have to control my frustrations

But if I were allowed

I’d just slap the crap out of you

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hold onto the memory

My perception entraps me,

Causes my emotions to engulf me

I know the truth

But cannot perceive hope

Lost in a maze of cloudiness haze

How will I ever find me

The real me

The summer who’s passion defined her

Who’s dreams were larger than life

Even the memories of that time

Cause a deep depression to set in

Bringing me to here again

Hopeless ramblings of an imperfect girl

Searching for meaning in all the brokenness

Striving for naught

As those things that once were vanished

Into thin air

Even though I’ll always blame a thief

Why couldn’t it be me

Why couldn’t I change the world

One person at a time

Only now, I’m struggling just to save myself

From this nothing trying to hold me

To keep me from my destiny

Please don’t let me die here

Like this

With no future, no recovery ending in bliss

Don’t let me lose me forever

If only this were just a test

A meaningful lesson

That will lead to a stronger, more capable success

Could I be?

I can only hold onto the memory

In hopes the visions I once saw

Would become a reality

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